Wisdom

 
Will Rogers had many thoughts. Here's a few. 

Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman.

Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it

and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:

The ones that learn by reading.

The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence

and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then

to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.

He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying

about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.

Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.

I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,

think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging

is that it's such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,

it was called witchcraft.

Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,

you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal idea from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put " A DOCTOR."

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon... and a shot of tequila.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Bee Bop - click video

Mitch Woods & His Rocket 88's www.mitchwoods.com March/April 2011 Latest News House Of Blues Radio Hour Mitch's Birthday Parties Upcoming Festivals Info Website mitchwoods.com Downloads itunes Merch mitchwoods.com Electronic Press Kit mitchwoods.com Newsletter Signup Mitch Woods' Boogie Woogie Blowout featuring Pinetop Perkins In case you haven't already heard we lost one of our great piano legends-Pinetop Perkins this week. One of the highlights of my career was presenting him at my Boogie Woogie Blowout in 2009. He stole the show when he came out midway rather than at the finale and wanted to play piano. Here is a link to the YouTube video that I would like to share. It is priceless! We will miss you Mr. Pinetop. Click on picture to link to YouTube and enjoy. Upcoming Gigs 3/25/11, Vancouver,B.C The Yale theyale.ca Please note date change from Sat 26 to Sun 27 due to private party at club. 3/27/11,Vancouver,B.C. The Yale 3/30/11, San Francisco, CA, Biscuits & Blues biscuits and blues 4/2/11, Palo Alto,CA, John's Shop- Birthday Party(see below for details) 4/3/11, Princeton, CA  Half Moon Bay Brewery   half moon bay brewery 4/13/11 San Francisco, CA  Pier 23 Cafe   solo Pier 23 Cafe 4/16/11 San Jose, CA  Poorhouse Bistro poorhouse bistro 4/29/11 New Orleans, LA  Carousel Bar, Hotel Monteleone  solo monteleone 4/30/11 New Orleans, LA  Creole Gardens Guest House Pre-JazzFest Party creole gardens 5/1/11 New Orleans, LA  New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival  Blues Tent New Orleans Jazz Fest 5/5/11 Memphis, TN  Blues Music Awards  Cook Convention Center Blues Foundation   House Of Blues Radio Hour Airing Mitch Woods Interview March 26,27 Click Here to Watch and listen:The Blues Mobile Mar 26-27, 2011    Road trip in the Bluesmobile this week on the Radio Hour. Elwood stops by Mitch Woods' house, where Mitch has his piano tuned up and ready to play. Get schooled in piano blues with tracks from Gumbo Blues, Mitch's tribute to New Orleans bluesman Smiley Lewis. Elwood also spins tracks from Charles Brown, Fats Domino, Professor Longhair, Dave Edmund, Honey Piazza, and Ray Charles. Mitch will educate the listener on what happens when you put a little boogie woogie on the blues, and what happens when you put a little New Orleans spin on top of that. Mitch Woods performs live from his living room. Come join us for Mitch's Birthday weekend in S.F. Bay Area Join Mitch Woods and his Rocket 88's at Half Moon Bay Brewery in Princeton CA Sunday April 3 from 4-8pm Half Moon Bay Brewery for a great day of partying on the coast. Also the pre-party at John's Shop-2417 Embarcadero Way, Palo Alto Saturday April 2 from 5-9pm call 650-858-2293 for more info.                                      Bring your dancing shoes!      Upcoming Festivals already booked for 2011 Mitch Woods & His Rocket 88's Live in Istanbul New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival-May 1 Mississippi Valley Blues Festival-IA-July 3 Vitoria Jazz Festival-Spain-July 12-16 Bluestock-Hunter Mtn. N.Y.-Aug 26-27 Rhythm & Roots Festival-Charlestown RI-Sept 4 Monterey Jazz Festival-CA-Sept. 17 Mitch Woods & His Rocket 88's are available for clubs, private events, and festivals worldwide. For Booking Contact: rocket88@gte.net Look forward to boogeyin' with you in your neck o' the woods comin' up. mitch woods Mitch Woods & His Rocket 88's

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Lolcat images...as noted by Clay Shirky in  Cognitive Surplus Creativity and Generosity in a Connected Age

They were not as "green" as we are.

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic
bags weren't good for the environment.  The woman apologized to her and
explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day.  Back then,
they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer bottles to the store.
The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and
refilled, using the same bottles over and over.  So they really were recycled.  But
they didn't have the green thing back her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs because they didn't have an escalator
in every store and office building.  They walked to the grocery store and
didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two
blocks.  But she's right.  They didn't have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the
throw-away kind.  They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling
machine burning up 220 volts.  Wind and solar power really did dry the
clothes.  Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters,
not always brand-new clothing.  But that old lady is right.  They didn't have
the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house, not a TV in every
room.  And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a
screen the size of the state of Montana.  In the kitchen, they blended and
stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for
you.  When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded
up newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut
the lawn.  They used a push mower that ran on human power.  They exercised by
working, so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills
that operate on electricity.  But she's right, they didn't have the green thing
back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a cup
or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water.  They refilled
pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades
in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade
got dull.  But they didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school,
or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi
service.  They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of
sockets to power a dozen appliances.  And they didn't need a computerized
gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in
space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But that old lady is right.  They didn't have the green thing back in her
day.